Ahhh… it is so tough to let your child fail! From the moment newborns are placed in our arms, we love them unconditionally, we support them as they learn to sit, crawl, and walk. We guide them as they makes friends, we teach them how to read and write, and we give them comfort after every bump and bruise. However, letting your kid fail is parting teaching choices and consequences. Making mistakes is an important part of allowing them become independent and learn responsibility. Allowing children to experience failure can be an important aspect of their development and growth.
Letting Your Kid Fail Allows Them To Learn From Mistakes
We learn and develop all kinds of ways to help kids succeed but sometimes we really need to just stand back and let them fail. Let kids learn from their mistakes while their mistakes are little and don’t have irreversible consequences. Yes, it is tough, and uncomfortable, and it goes against every fiber in our being as good parents but… as they get older, you just need to let your child fail.
This week was one of those times in the Youngblood house. My son has a small, bad habit of not always remembering to bring home everything from school. His projects, his lunch box, or his coat, or his shoe (you get the idea)!
Sure enough, my son had a project due at school today. This time he brought it home but he had no idea that he actually did! Thankfully, it was nothing major, just a couple of pages of reading and summarizing. I asked him every night if he had a summary due on Friday. He kept telling me no. I found the papers in his backpack on Wednesday and put them on the counter where we keep homework. I continued to ask him and he continued to say no. Last night, (Thursday) I asked him three times and I even said the magic words…”Are you sure!” The answer was still… “Nope, no summary this week, Dad.”
Mistakes Allow Children To Learn About Consequences
So, this morning as he came downstairs, 20 minutes before time to go… I held up the paper off the counter and asked “what is this?”
His eyes got huge and the first words out of his mouth were…”Oh, crap!” I told him that I just happened to find them on Wednesday and that he had 20 minutes to get as much done as he could before we left – knowing full well that there was no way he would even come close to finishing.
He started working feverishly – and also started a sad, slow, quiet cry. It was painful, for him and for me! But it was necessary. He got a couple of answers written and it was time to go. No breakfast, no happiness, no hair combing, no joy this morning in our house.
On the way to school we talked about his failure as he continued to softly cry. I told him it was tough but it was a reminder that he needed to start being more accountable with his tasks and with his responsibilities. If he wasn’t, he was going to have a lot more mornings like this one.
I then asked him the test question. I said “do you want to just ’accidentally’ forget it at home and then finish it and bring it in on Monday?” He looked at me like I was a little crazy and said “No Dad. This was my screw up, I will do the right thing and take the blame!” Good answer That’s my boy!
Small Struggles Can Help Us Build Resilience
When your children are given the opportunity to struggle, and sometimes fail, you allow them to develop important life, social, and emotional skills. Of course, you don’t risk their safety, or not respond when the need genuine help or guidance. However, you do need to turn a blind eye at times when you see they are about to have a stumble that can be a learning opportunity.
At times, your role should be to simply support and teach, rather than to do every task for them – especially things that they need to learn to do for themselves. It is often during these times, when things aren’t perfect or when life dose not work out, that children have the opportunity to develop great skills for dealing with struggles and thriving through trouble. Coping skills are like muscles – we don’t know how strong they truly are until we need to use them.
Experiencing failure teaches children to bounce back from setbacks. It helps them develop resilience, which is a valuable skill in navigating life’s challenges. Allowing children to face failure encourages them to take responsibility for their actions and decisions. It fosters independence and self-reliance. Failure provides an opportunity for children to analyze what went wrong and find ways to improve. It enhances their problem-solving abilities and critical thinking skills. It also builds character.
Learning From Mistakes Quotes
- “Your best teacher is your last mistake.” – Ralph Nader
- “Mistakes are proof that you are trying.” – Anonymous
- “Mistakes are the usual bridge between inexperience and wisdom.” – Phyllis Theroux
- “A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them.” – John C. Maxwell
- “Don’t be embarrassed by your failures, learn from them and start again.” – Richard Branson
Conclusion
Experiencing failure teaches kids that success is not guaranteed, and hard work is often required. It’s important to note that while allowing children to experience failure is beneficial, parents should also provide support, guidance, and encouragement during these times to help them navigate and learn from the experience.
Experiencing failure helps children grasp the concept of consequences. They learn that actions have outcomes, both positive and negative, and this understanding is crucial for making informed decisions. Letting your children fail is not an easy thing to do but, in the long run, it will teach them resiliency and strength and character. It might just help you out with some of those things as well – I know that I learn from my son each and every day and I am a better man because of it! Is it time to let your child fail?
Rob Youngblood is a Dad, Keynote Speaker, Life and Communication Coach, Emmy Award Winning TV Host, Writer, and Storyteller. Learn more about him and follow him on Twitter.
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Aubrey says
It is hard. As parents though, it is our job to make them ready for life outside the home. They aren’t always going to be successful.
Krystal says
I definitely don’t do everything for my son. I like to have him figure out the answer.
Autumn @Mamachallenge says
I make my kids do a lot on their own. They need to learn that it is okay to fail every now and again.
Lisa says
I agree on letting our kids fail sometimes when they make mistakes. As they get older they have to learn that in the real world, we don’t get extra credit or make up days to fall back on.
Ty says
I completely agree. I’m always letting my kids fail at things as I believes it makes them stronger.
Amy Desrosiers says
I do need to do this with my kids. I am always so worried about keeping them on track that I feel they need a lesson.
Sarah says
I agree, kids have to make mistakes, it’s how we learn. I do try to let my children have some freedom to make some mistakes and fail.
Janis @MommyBlogExpert says
It is so true that kids grow more when we allow them to make mistakes. The learning that takes place helps them grow and mature through every stage of childhood.
angela@spinachtiger says
EVERY parent and grandparent need to read this. Failing is the road to learning and to success. This was a great example. Great lesson.
Elly Filho says
I need to do this more often. Having all teens, it’s so hard for me because I always want to make sure they are going the right direction. My Husband keeps telling me failure sometimes makes perfect. I need to learn and do this. Thanks for the post