A funny title for a post, huh? Well, it is also a funny subject line for an email. However, “Don’t Come To My Party” is the title of the subject line that my husband sent out to his buddies when I went out of town. You have to have a little humor in this life and my husband’s ability to make me laugh and lighten up has always been one of my favorite traits. After all, having a good time is what life is all about. So anyway, this email made me laugh out loud at least a few times and I thought I would share it with you in case you need any tips on how to write invitations for a “Don’t Come To My Party” kind of party! I hope you enjoy his tongue in cheek humor as much as I do!
Warning: These aren’t Martha Stewart party planning invitations!
Top 10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Come To My Party (Sample Email Invitation For Not Inviting People)
So…my jet-setting wife is off again this Friday. After a week in Macau, this time she will be roughing it with the kids in Orlando and on a 7-day cruise throughout the Caribbean. Once again I can’t join her, so for Saturday I have decided to purchase a keg of beer and wallow in my sorrow. I would invite you, but you probably will not want to come. Here are several reasons why:
- You are in the mood to to bi*ch and complain. Trust me, I can think of at least one other person that is worse off than you. I don’t want to hear it. So don’t bring your negativity around here!!
- You don’t like cats. Well,neither do I. But my daughter adores one, and he calls our house his house. Some say he’s cute, but in my eyes he is mean, flea-infested, and has only one tooth. If you are afraid that he might give you the claw, you will want to stay away.
- You don’t like hurricanes. I don’t either. They cause millions of dollars in damage and displace thousands of people. However, I plan on fixing a boat load of New Orleans-style hurricanes to consume in between beers. Disaster is guaranteed to unfold shortly thereafter. If you don’t want to be a part of the mayhem, don’t come!
- You only go to houses that are clean and neat. Hey, I enjoy Legos as much as anyone, just not in my coffee mug. But, that is the reality of living with a 10 and 8 year old. And if you really think that I will spend more than 5 minutes cleaning up with the predicted mayhem that item #3 guarantees to bring, then you are delusional. So, if the thought of a less-than-clean house and toys on the floor makes you feel nauseous, then…well I think you know….
- You prefer to go to Steeplechase. Good for you! I don’t. Have fun…bye!
- You don’t like to play on homemade corn hole boards. Although the thought of an Italian doing anything besides making pizza sounds scary, I believe I did get this one right. Remember that the Germans may have engineered the perfect toilet seat, but it was the Italians who came up with the idea of putting a hole in it. So if you shudder at the thought of engaging in a corn hole game played on boards that were not mass produced by children in China, then I suggest you go spend your evening at a huge discount store!
- You think spontaneous games of FIFA 2013 are childish and outdated. Well, I don’t! And, yes, I might get in the mood to “redo” one or both of this week’s 1st leg of the Champion’s League semifinals. So, if you think that soccer and pre-April-2015-video-games are for communists, then go to the Sportsman Grill instead!
- You don’t like to bring party food. Listen, if you want unlimited crab legs, lobster and filet mignon, then go book yourself a ticket on the same cruise that my wife and kids are on. I will have barley, water, hops, and plenty of vitamin B. If you want more food and don’t want to bring it yourself, there is probably a Golden Corral somewhere in your vicinity that you should go to instead.
- You only go to hip parties. Good for you. Go to East Nashville!
- You think that Bellevue is too far away. Why do you think I live here?? To be as far away from people like you as possible!! So don’t come!!
I am sure that you can probably think of several other reasons not to come, so I won’t be expecting you or any guests that you may or may not want to bring. I will be having my own miserable time nursing the keg by myself beginning at 6:00 pm.
All week his friends have been telling him what time they won’t show up and what they won’t bring with them! Silly, right? But funny and I love that in a person! Is a good sense of humor up there on your list of things you enjoy about your partner? Do you think you will throw a “don’t come to my party” type of party?
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Kristen says
But why didn’t he go on the cruise with you?! So funny, love this!