We all know how important it is to have structure in a child’s life. Those charts and point systems, as rigid as they are, work. Kids do what they are told under the chart model and let’s be honest, they don’t all rebel. But what if you can’t do those charts? What if keeping track of the points is not for you. What can you do to have some order in your home? Here are some tips for disciplining kids from Haleh Rabizadeh Resnick, the author of Little Patient Big Doctor.
Top Tips For Disciplining Kids
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Parents Rule- You Are King and Queen. Discipline requires understanding of hierarchy. If you are an equal, you have no authority to discipline. You eat first. No one sits on your chair. Kids should knock before entering your room. Have your children carry packages for you. For those of you who are thinking, but I want to be an accessible parent- you can still be kind, communicative, and that parent who plays games with their children- just sit in your seat and get the snack bowl first.
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Bring Back: “Because I said so.” It’s nice to give our children choices and bring them in on decision making when they are two. But as they grow older, you can’t and shouldn’t always give an explanation. Use “Because I said so” when they are young to get them used to it. It’s valid. You are the leader- you don’t always need to explain yourself.
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Punishment? Let Them Clean! This business of punishment being directly related to the crime committed- it’s just too hard to figure out. So, if a kid is polluting your environment by bad behavior, they can clean it for you- on the spot. Clean the car if you are in the car or the kitchen if that’s where you are!
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Praise Them. If you want to criticize, make sure you praise. Write a note or send a text daily with something good your child did (ok I know daily is hard- but give it a shot). Of course, it’s great to say it with a hug- but sometimes writing that note- makes a difference.
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Praise Yourself. No one takes direction from leaders who knock themselves. They will soon lose their followers. Stop criticizing yourself and start complimenting yourself in front of your kids- you’ve done a great job- they are here and alive with a parent who cares enough to be reading this article.
Guest post by Haleh Rabizadeh Resnick, who is a mom to a crew and author of Little Patient Big Doctor (affiliate link below). She speaks nationwide on parenting and health advocacy. Contact her to come to your community!
Which of these top tips for disciplining kids were most useful to you?
I love what you said!
1. I’m the queen. Yahoo! Not the way I was taught, so thanks for the permission. You are right.
2.”Because I said so.” when my kids were growing up, now parents themselves, I got resistance if that one popped out on my mouth. I always felt it totally disrespectful to argue with me especially when I was frantic.
There is never a good excuse to try to avoid something a parent feels is not safe. Using, “because I said so,” as not a good enough answer…
3.I most often use consequences vs punishment because of the physical abuse issues I grew up with. Why punishment like cleaning out the car when someone dumped a coke?
good point?
4.finding positive strokes in many ways when catching them being good= Yahoo!
5.Good for you to write this. I need to hear read this advice. I am a grandparent who did not have good parenting. I was taught to always be last. (Not good) I have struggled with this, but I am going to trust you on this one and apply it to my life even though I am older and my kids are grown. I will set a good example for the grandkids.
Thanks for your advice. I am deeply touched.
Nanna/ Malika
Good start to good parenting. I would add: Don’t forget not to Yell! You yell at your kids and you have instantly lost power and their attention. Paradoxical isn’t it? We think yelling gets their attention when in fact we lose them when we yell. More powerful is to look them in the eyes, be firm, serious and wait there until they obey. Stop the yelling
Thanks so much for the comments everyone. No Yelling. That’s great advice- hard to do because kids know how to push our buttons. But it’s something we should all remember. Stop the yelling.