October is Pregnancy And Infant Loss Awareness Month. Having dealt with fetal demise myself, I am particularly empathetic to those who experience the gut wrenching grief of losing a pregnancy or infant. It feels like the world should stop. But it keeps spinning. And somehow it is comforting to learn that we are not alone in our pain. That we are not the only ones that have experienced this horror and that we will make it through because others have before us. So when one of my readers asked to share her personal story of loss in order to increase pregnancy loss awareness, of course, I was honored to share it with you.
When is pregnancy loss awareness month? Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is observed in October. This month is dedicated to raising awareness about pregnancy loss, honoring the experiences of those affected, and remembering the babies who have passed. October 15 specifically is recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, with many participating in a “Wave of Light” by lighting candles at 7:00 PM local time to honor and remember.
Pregnancy Loss Awareness And Suzanna’s Story
By Suzanna
In honor of pregnancy and infant loss awareness month coming up in October, I share my story of loss.
I woke up early Wednesday morning and I had a strong urge to take a pregnancy test. I waited the three long minutes that seemed like a lifetime! To my surprise, I saw one word “Pregnant.” I was thrilled! I wanted to surprise my husband with the exciting news. He had wanted another baby so badly. I kept trying to come up with a clever idea and finally I had one! I wanted our photographer to capture the photos while I told my husband we were expecting baby number 2.
The day had come to tell my husband. We met the photographer and I told my husband we were there to do a six year anniversary and family photoshoot. I brought chalkboards with me and had my husband write two things he liked about me. His board said “funny” and “good cook.” We flipped our boards over at the same time and mine said “Baby Kent Coming In April 2019.” The look on his face was priceless. What an incredible day!
Fast forward to September 12th. I went in for an early ultrasound. I should have been about 7 weeks. The technician began the ultrasound and asked me twice how far along I was, at this point I knew something was wrong. She said, the baby is measuring a week behind. My heart sank, my breathing got faster and I began to panic.
The doctor onsite told me not to get my hopes up but we will check on the baby for progress again next week. I waited a grueling week anticipating the worst with a glimpse of hope. However, again the baby had not progressed and the heart stopped.
The doctor told me my options were to wait for the inevitable to happen (miscarriage). What had started out to be a fairytale ended so poorly. An unhappy ending. However, I am blessed to have my 2 year old boy and looking forward to trying for our rainbow baby.
Miscarriages can happen to anyone
Miscarriages happen and they are common! Most miscarriages are due to hormonal or chromosomal complications and nothing that a woman can anticipate or prevent.
Pregnancy loss is taboo in our culture. We really only see the happy endings on social media. However, let’s not forget the women who never shared their struggles with pregnancy loss. They are out there and their stories matter.
I’m sharing this in the hopes that I can contribute to a culture where we talk about infant and pregnancy loss. The truth is, it happens and we should talk about it.
If you are going through this, please know that you are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you.
Who am I? I’m a proud wife to my amazing and supportive husband, a mommy to my bouncing and happy two year old boy, a graduate from Central Michigan University and a Personal Fitness Trainer. Miscarriages can happen to anyone. I am the face of pregnancy loss.
How To Be Tactful Around Pregnancy Loss
Being tactful around pregnancy loss involves sensitivity, empathy, and a thoughtful approach to both words and actions. Here are some key guidelines:
- Listen More Than You Speak: Offer a safe space for the person to express their feelings, but don’t push them to share more than they want. Silence can be comforting, as it shows you’re there without needing them to explain.
- Choose Words Carefully: Avoid phrases like “everything happens for a reason” or “you can try again,” which can feel dismissive. Instead, simple acknowledgments like “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I’m here for you” show empathy without assuming to understand their pain.
- Respect Their Grieving Process: Understand that everyone grieves differently. Avoid putting timelines on their healing or suggesting they should “move on.” Allow them the space and time they need to process.
- Offer Practical Support: Thoughtful gestures, like bringing meals, helping with errands, or simply spending time together, can show you’re there to support them without needing to talk about the loss unless they choose to.
- Remember Important Dates: If they’ve shared a significant date with you, such as the baby’s due date or anniversary, acknowledging it can show that their loss isn’t forgotten. A simple message saying “thinking of you today” can mean a lot.
Tactfulness is about offering your presence and support without judgment or expectations. Letting them lead the conversation, respecting their needs, and showing continued empathy helps create a space where they feel seen, validated, and supported.
Conclusion
Pregnancy loss is a profoundly personal and often isolating experience, yet it affects countless families worldwide. Recognizing Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month serves as a reminder of the importance of compassion, understanding, and support for those grieving these losses. It encourages open conversations that break down stigma, enabling families to find solace in shared experiences and community. By honoring the lives of babies who were here for only a brief time, we acknowledge the strength of those who have endured such loss and reinforce a compassionate commitment to their healing journey.
I hope my story has increased pregnancy loss awareness. Do you have a story to share for pregnancy infant loss awareness? Share it in the comments and know that we feel your pain but that it gets a little better every day.
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Vandana says
Thanks for sharing your story. Life can be hard and full of challenges, but that’s how we learn and grow to be a better version of ourselves!