Joani Geltman, Master of Social Work (MSW), is a prominent parenting expert who provides home-based parent coaching, speaks publicly on issues relating to child development and parenting, and designs and implements training workshops on parenting and education leadership development. Naturally, I am excited to have her share some wisdom about parenting teens over the summer with us today. She has four decades of experience helping young people, serving as a social worker, therapist, student advisor, adjunct professor, and youth program director at various schools and organizations. Joani is also the author of the new book A Survival Guide To Parenting Teens: Talking To Your Kids About Sexting, Drinking, Drugs, and Other Things That Freak You Out (AMACOM, May 20).
Without further ado, here is Joani Geltman‘s guest post with tips for parenting teens over the summer.
Teenagers+Summer =You Gotta Have A Plan
“Idle minds are the devils playground.” No truer quote applies when thinking about teens and summer. If you haven’t yet gotten into the summer mindset, here is your wake-up call! Everybody needs down time, but 10 weeks of down time for teens can spell t-r-o-u-b-l-e, especially if you are a working parent. If you anticipate leaving your house for work at 8 AM with your sleeping teen snug as a bug in a rug, thinking that all is well, get you head out of the sand. The devil will be over to visit.Regardless of good intentions, too much time = too much potential for temptation. We’re talking sex, drugs/alcohol and general mischief. Once boredom sets in, which it always does after the initial bliss of no structure, LOOK OUT!
Help Your Teen Create A Productive Plan For The Summer
To prevent to much idle time, the planning should start now. If you have a younger teen, 13-15, this is a bit harder. They are too old for day camp, too young for most jobs, and too inexperienced or not motivated to find something on their own. Many older teens are unmotivated as well, or lack the confidence to find something on their own. So the first thing is to have realistic expectations of how much your teen will do independently to make something happen. Your job is to make your expectations clear, that is step #1. “I get you are looking forward to the summer, and having free time to hang with friends. We want you to have time for that too, but it’s also important for you to have other things going on for you as well, either a job, or a volunteer/educational/internship experience, or camp, something that gives you a feeling of accomplishment and purpose. How would you like to go about this? What kind of help do you need from us? Here is the deal, the question isn’t “Do you want to do something or not?, but “What is it you would like to do?”
Help Your Teen Follow Through On Plans
This can be a slow, painful process, as mostly you will get a lot of “I don’t knows.” If you have some extra money, there are many great programs that cater to particular interests of teens. If they want a job, expecting that they will have any idea of how to go about looking for one is unrealistic. Do this together, making a list of the kinds of places that are of interest to them, and then drive them around to pick up applications, and sit with them as they fill them out. If you just say to your teen, go get some applications; and have you filled out those applications? Probably not much will happen. I worked in a work/study program for 14 years with teens, and rarely did I find a teen who felt confident enough to follow through on expectations. What looks like laziness is actually low-self esteem.
Set Clear Expectations And Provide Incentive For Teens
It is important to let them know that if there don’t seem to be any jobs, and volunteering or interning is the fallback, that you will provide them with some kind of stipend. But, and this is important, if they choose to be idle, and do neither, then you will choose not to provide them with any summer spending money. Sitting around with both nothing to do and no money is not fun, and will get old really really fast. So provide incentive and reward for those idle minds, and keep that devil at bay.
What types of tips would you share for parenting teens? What types of activities have you found successful for your teens over the summer?
Great tips and suggestions. I remember I had a job during the summer when I was a teenager. My daughter on the other hand doesn’t but thankfully I work from home so I can supervise them.
Great suggestions. When my older son was I teen-ager, he was so tough during the summer. The rolling of the eyes is a killer. Setting expectations early is a must!
My favorite of yours is helping them follow through on plans. So important and I wish I’d done a better job with him. “…rarely did I find a teen who felt confident enough to follow through on expectations.” is such a good way to look at it. They need your help with confidence!
My youngest son is 16 this summer and is already set with a job and soccer practice. He’s almost over-scheduled. Kids can be so different.
Thanks for a great post!