This open letter is straight from my heart to any woman that does not respect the meaning of a wedding ring and pursues or allows herself to be pursued by a married man. It is written to help you understand what the wife goes through from my own experience. This letter applies to all of those that engage in emotional affairs and/or sexual cheating and ignore the significance of the wedding ring. While here I am speaking to a certain woman, this applies to men too. A wedding band is most often worn on the left hand in Western cultures but sometimes on the right hand in Eastern cultures. Either way, the circle of the ring exchanged upon the wedding day represents eternal love between the married couple. This letter to a homewrecker provides a glimpse into the world of the spouse that has been cheated on.
Open Letter To The Homewrecker Who Does Not Honor The Wedding Ring Meaning
Maybe you don’t know what a wedding ring means. Sure you know it means taken, but you think maybe it really just means fun challenge. Nope. My band of gold means 23 years that I loved this man. It means 15 years since we both said “unto death do us part.” It means 3 babies of his that I have given birth to. Furthermore, it means more “I love you”s than you can conceive of. It means hard work, compromise, and tears that we have shared.
Maybe the fact that you are ignoring the sanctity of marriage means nothing to you. Maybe you think if you can take it, then it is yours. Well, what you steal still belongs to someone else. And you aren’t just stealing from me, you steal from my children. You steal, the father that was a hero in their lives. You steal the words right out of my mouth because how can I tell them? What do I say?
Maybe your grandmother never told you to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Well, I hope you learn that lesson eventually and I am sure you probably will when someone else, some day down the road, doesn’t respect your husband’s wedding ring.
Maybe you are just in a low place and really need some love and didn’t stop to think about what it really meant to anyone besides yourself. Well, it means you put me into a low place. A super low place where everything I thought I had, everything I thought was rock solid, is shaken. And I have to pick up the pieces and go on even though I was betrayed or I have to call it quits and shatter my world and my children’s world.
I know this isn’t all your fault, but frankly, you should not underestimate how your simple, selfish actions can ruin other people’s lives. Oh, do you think I am being over dramatic? Try explaining that my children as our lives are turned upside down and I wonder, do we have to move? Do they have to go to a new school? Will I be able to keep myself together and be a good mother to them when I feel like my head and heart are exploding?
The Significance Of The Wedding Ring
The meaning of a wedding ring is symbolized by a circle of precious metal because circles have no end. A marriage is supposed to be an agreement to “love you and honor you all the days of my life.” The fourth finger of the left hand (now known as the left ring finger) was used in ancient Rome because it was known as the “vena amoris” or vein of love. Today, the meaning of wedding rings is rich in history but the important thing is that it is a symbol of commitment and true love.
In a committed relationship the married man and married woman should wear rings on a daily basis not only to reaffirm the ring symbolism but also as a message to others that they are off the market. The simple design of the perfect circle should remind the wearer of humble beginnings, good times, fond memories, and the rich history the couple has shared. It is a sign of the love we have given, the we give daily, and that we will never stop giving.
Think twice before you ignore the wedding ring meaning because you will be breaking so many hearts. Don’t start down the road of flirtation or you may wind up where that road leads and there is nothing good there for the wife, the husband, the children, or the homewrecker. That damage takes years to forgive and sometimes the unexpected consequences can not be undone. Is this a good time to admit that the idea of revenge crossed my mind? Is this a good time to mention a friend’s teen who took their life? No, it is never a good time to think that way. However, ignoring betrothal rings will likely have consequences and there is a good chance you have no control over what those are. That is an important reason to honor the sanctity of the wedding ring symbolism. To define homewrecker is to look at the literal translation of what and that is- one who causes devastation to a home and causes the family to feel lost, surrounded by lies, and homeless.
There Was Already A Crack In The Marriage
Don’t believe him when he says that the marriage is on the rocks. They all say that to give themselves permission. If they are wearing a wedding ring, it means they are married and committed to being a partner. If they had a rough patch, it doesn’t mean it is OK to go outside the marriage. They need to go home and work on it. Water their own grass.
The contract was till death do us part, not till I feel like I need a little extra attention from someone else. Please respect the significance of the wedding ring. It signifies someone’s heart on the line. Will you help to smush it? You may never get to see the blood run out of it, but it will. I felt like I had a literal hole in my chest for at least a year. Or will you say I want no part of that?
Why The Homewrecker Makes Me So Angry
I used to wonder why a wife would often seem more angry at the homewrecker than the husband. Now, I understand. In my own personal experience, the home wrecker was the one who made the advances so naturally I felt that this would never have happened if not for her. Don’t misunderstand me, I was not more angry at one than the other. My skin crawled at the thought of both of them.
What boiled my blood was that this stranger would so carelessly entice my husband at the expense of my family. That lack of empathy was startling. Just as it was startling to realize the man I was in love with for almost a quarter of a century was doing and saying things that were not fitting with his own character. You can have NO idea how life shattering an affair is until it happens to you. I was a good wife and I felt my entire life was wasted on someone who didn’t even love me. Honestly, I wanted to end my own life because it felt like tissue paper blowing in the wind. I knew I couldn’t commit suicide because I had children to live for but that thought made me feel equally helpless. I could think of no way to protect them from the onslaught of truth and the pain that would follow. I felt like the floor of our house was breaking beneath us and we might be lost in the upheaval.
The idea of a homewrecker carelessly ruining your life, well you can see how that would burn you up! I hope my letter to the homewrecker helps them see clearly that this word’s definition is in the name. They wreck a home and the lives of everyone in that home. Children will have to grow with the scar of that brutality on their heart. The carelessness of the parent and a stranger to endanger their existence. I know it sounds extreme but a broken home leaves so much exposed and often leaves kids grieving on their own as the parents are self absorbed in surviving the ordeal.
If Your Spouse Cheated On You
You may want to read the book, After The Affair (Amazon affiliate link). It helped me realized I wasn’t alone in my feelings of total despair. The book reassured me that I wasn’t crazy or over reacting. I read so many books to try to make sense of things and to try to calm my new but overwhelming anxiety. I kept reading in order to try to raise myself out the grips of depression that overtook me. Though it was difficult subject to share, I did a lot of talking (thank you to my secret listeners). I went to a counsellor as part of my healing. And after about 8 months I felt my head break up above the surface again. I struggled for a long time and I still struggle sometimes. But I have grown stronger. I choose to look at the good things in my life and be thankful for those.
I hope if you read this letter to the woman my husband cheated with, you are reminded of the significance of the wedding ring. Put the temptation to come on to married men or women out of your mind. If you are the married person who is tempted, remember your vows and realize there will likely be grave consequences. If you are the one that has been cheated on, I hope you find comfort in knowing that pain will lessen over time. That you can resurface from this hell hole. That you must go on for your children. Don’t allow that someone else’s mistake to define you.
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