If you’ve ever felt betrayed by a family member, you’re not alone. In fact, most people, at some point in their life, feel betrayed by family, friends, a romantic relationship, or even a business relationship. When family betrays you, it may feel particularly painful as these are supposed to be the people we can trust most according to typical expectations. Feelings of betrayal are deep and much more painful than most people imagine. Here are some tips on how to deal with a family member who has betrayed you and how to recover from a betrayal so that you can get over the hurt and move on.
Examples Of When Family Betrays You
Some of the most common family betrayals that people experience are:
- Unfaithfulness
- Backstabbing
- Gossip
- Theft
- Judgement
- Lying
- Abandonment
- Humiliation
Judging by these examples of family betrayal, you can tell that some are more devastating than others. However, any betrayal of trust eats away at the foundation of any relationship.
A lie told with a straight face while looking into your eyes is a betrayal of trust and it hurts. When your brother says nasty things about you behind your back, that is the type of backstabbing that is hard to ever forgive. When your partner betrays their marital vows by cheating on you, that may be a betrayal that ends the relationship.
Real Life Example Of Family Betrayal
Do you want to know a real example of family betrayal? The kind that cuts like a knife and ruins lives? Let’s just say it is a story of sister betrayal. I will make a long story short here but it begins when my little sister betrayed my big sister. My little sister was working for my big sister and she helped to steal my big sister’s clients out from under her (maybe she thought she was justified at the time). Sounds bad, right? Well, it is worse.
My big sister was cut so deep that she never recovered financially or otherwise. This was the beginning of a massively hard time for my big sister where she struggled to stay afloat and to parent her child. It was also a hard time for my little sister who became an alcoholic and struggled to live life. I think the sister that was betrayed felt sad and angry and confused. Frankly, she had a hard time believing in life again. I think the sister that did the betrayal felt sad and angry and confused too. I think she already had a hard time believing in life and this only made matters worse.
They worked towards forgiveness but never really achieved it for the long term. I wish I had a happy ending here but it is not happy. Betrayal has so many unintended consequences. You can’t fix the things that go off track as a result of the betrayal. My big sister never did become financially secure and able to provide her daughter a stable home again. It is now about 20 years later and I wonder sometimes what a big difference it would have made to my niece’s life who got lost in the shuffle. My little sister died and I think she was still full of sorrow about betraying my big sister when she left us.
From the outside, you may say, get a grip people. Move past it. But when betrayal knocks at your door, it cuts you nearly in half and leaves a huge scar. It makes you question yourself and your relationship with others. It can make you question the purpose of this thing called life, and if it is really worth living when what you thought you knew, you didn’t know. What you thought was solid, wasn’t solid. When love turns against you, it can feel that you don’t have much left to live for.
I believe these feelings are similar in both parties, that is, if the betrayer bothers to have any remorse. I share this story of betrayal so you can see what a mess it leaves behind. It is best to live by your family values and never betray. However, if you find yourself on either end of a family betrayal, work on addressing the underlying issues and making things right because time doesn’t heal everything. The impact of betrayal is always larger than you might expect and it doesn’t disappear with time. You have to do the work to make the healing happen.
How To Deal With Betrayal
Dealing with betrayal by family is very hard. When family betrays you, it can feel like someone has literally stabbed you in the back. Depending on the severity, betrayal trauma is a real thing. Either way around it, take some time to get away and think before you respond in a rash way.
Dealing with betrayal can be emotionally overwhelming, but healing begins with acknowledging your feelings rather than suppressing them. Allow yourself to process the hurt, anger, or disappointment, and seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Establishing boundaries with the person who betrayed you is essential to protect your well-being, whether that means limiting contact or reevaluating the relationship.
What Do You Do When Your Family Betrays You?
When someone you care about betrays you, recovery can be a challenge. There is a lot of personal work you need to do so that you can find a way to move on from the pain of betrayal. Here are several suggestions for what to do when you are betrayed by family. Here is how to get over betrayal and move past it.
1. Connect with your feelings
The first step is to connect with your feelings. In order to start recovering, you need to know how you truly feel. When you get in touch with your true feelings about the situation, what emotions are you experiencing? Anger? Sadness? Fear? Surprise? Shame? Loneliness?
It may take some time to really know how you feel after the shock wears off. Name your feelings so that you know what you need to work on. This will allow you to start processing the pain and start on the recovery process. You may do this best in solitude or you may want to talk through your feelings for emotional support with a close friend.
2. Resist revenge
Even if you are not the vengeful type, you may have an overwhelming compulsion to get revenge in some way. Don’t. It won’t serve you to stoop to their level. Rise up and be the better person. You will be glad you did later on. This feeling is temporary and you will find yourself on the road to recovery sooner if you let go of your urge to retaliate.
3. Separate yourself
The best thing you can do for yourself when you’re feeling betrayed is to separate yourself from the person who betrayed you. This means physically, emotionally, and electronically. Don’t respond to text messages, don’t communicate with them (or about them) on social media, just remove them from your day-to-day. It will start to bring you peace. Keeping in touch will only encourage the urge to seek revenge. You need space to process your feelings. Try to involve yourself in self-care activities like regular exercise and a healthy diet.
4. Dig deep
Reflect on the situation to gain clarity—was it intentional, a misunderstanding, or a pattern of behavior? There are a variety of reasons why someone might betray someone else. Dig deep and try to figure out why this happened. Were they just careless? Was it deliberate? Could it have been unintentional? Trying to understand the real reason someone might betray us can make getting over it a little easier.
You may want to read about psychological reasons for betrayal. As pointed out on ArcGIS, “Betrayal can be caused by many things including jealousy, greed, power, and fear. These reasons can push people, even as close as family, to act against you for their own personal reasons even if it means causing you pain.”
Lots of times the act of betrayal may occur because of lots of little things have left a person feeling angry, disconnected, or without a way of communicating with you. No matter the reason, it does not make the betrayal OK. It may however, make it easier to understand and easier to learn from.
That being said, it may be a puzzle you will never truly solve so you may have to make peace with that too.
5. Consider the relationship
Sometimes betrayal comes when you’ve drifted apart as a way of getting your attention again. How strong is your relationship? A betrayal from someone you’re not close to is much different than a betrayal of a spouse or sibling. Consider the person involved and what their motive may have been. Consider the level of emotional pain caused.
There are different types of betrayal. How much damage was done? How much does this relationship usually add to your life? Was this a one time mistake or a pattern of behavior? Consider whether the family member has offered a sincere apology. Consider if it is possible to patch things up.
6. Seek counseling
If you still need help with how to get over betrayal, that is totally natural and normal when dealing with a betrayal from someone you love. Sometimes a third, neutral, party can help you understand your feelings, why something happened, and how to move on. If you’re having trouble recovering, it may be time to seek professional help.
If you are feeling angry at yourself for feeling so much sadness and anger, try to cut yourself some slack. It is hard to know how betrayal feels unless you have been through it yourself. It really can be devastating. Negative emotions are normal when dealing with the aftermath of betrayal. However, depending on your emotional distress and the severity of the betrayal, you may need help dealing with these negative feelings. If you are concerned that you are experiencing mental health issues or a disturbance in sleep patterns brought on by the traumatic event, a psychologist may be helpful address the incident. There are counsellors who offer extra long crisis sessions to help you work through trauma if you are experiencing a significant betrayal.
7. Talk it out
Once you’ve given yourself some time and space from the immediate pain of the betrayal, talk it out with your family member and try to understand what happened.
Want to know what to say to someone who betrayed you? My advice is tell them how it made you feel. Don’t hold back. Tell them everything you need to say it get it off your chest. Then, give them a chance to explain.
Tell them exactly how they hurt you. And listen as carefully as possible to their reasons and their apology. It may not heal the relationship, but it will help you move on.
While forgiveness is a personal choice, it doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the betrayal; rather, it’s about freeing yourself from resentment. Focus on self-care and personal growth, using the experience to strengthen your resilience and cultivate relationships built on trust and mutual respect.
What does being betrayed by family do to a person?
A serious betrayal by family can wipe you out. It can empty your trust accounts and make it hard to trust anyone. The thing is, however, we need to be able to trust. In order to be a joyous person, we want to believe. That is why it is so important to give yourself the time to work through the betrayal.
Betrayal can hurt people in ways that can make it hard to find happiness and peace in life, for both the betrayer and the betrayed. I have seen this and felt it. However, I have also experienced healing from a betrayal so I would like to leave you with a hopeful quote.
In The Speed of Trust, Stephen M.R.Covey says, “So while trying to restore trust may be difficult, it is definitely worth it. Even if trust is not restored in the particular relationship you’re working on, your efforts to restore it will increase your ability to build trust in other relationships. As in almost every other aspect of life, breakdowns can create break-throughs. Challenges and mistakes can become some of our greatest opportunities to learn, grow, and improve.” Here is my affiliate link to that book on Amazon.
Family Betrayal Quotes
Here are a few quotes about family betrayal to consider.
“In a broken nest there are few whole eggs.” –Chinese Proverb
“The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies, it comes from those you trust the most.” –Unknown
“It’s funny how sometimes the people you’d take a bullet for, are the ones behind the trigger.” –Taylor Swift
“You are allowed to walk away from people that constantly hurt you.” –Bynnada
“Love them from a distance. Pray for them, wish them well, but don’t allow them to abuse you.” –Kimber Waul
Conclusion
Feeling betrayed by a family member is painful and sometimes, unforgivable. But if the betrayal was unintentional or there’s a way to salvage the relationship, you owe it to yourself to give it a try. Keep in mind the old adage though, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Another powerful way of thinking about it is, “Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern.” Repeat offenders may not deserve a place in your life anymore. If this is the case, it is time to remove them from your life and move on with healing yourself for your own emotional well-being. Focus on your healthy relationships.
Are you dealing with betrayal? I know first hand what a painful experience it can be. Remember to be patient, as healing takes time and effort. I hope these tips help and I feel for you from the bottom of my heart because I truly understand the devastating effects of betrayal. Hugs!
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Amir says
Nice and valuable content. Thanks for sharing about the forms of betrayal. You are right about the how it makes you lose your sense of control, experience intense emotions, and experience a loss of trust in everyone.
Regina says
This article really hit home for me. My ex son in law took our grandson out of our lives because we won’t call the second wife “Mommy” and the mother of the child by her first name. We practically helped raise our grandson and all visits with him and even phone calls have abruptly stopped. We thought of our ex son in law as our own son and this truly hurts us deeply. Thank you so much for this article.
Chris Brown says
This type of post is very helpful. The betrayed person must often go through a lot of personal growth so they can come out better instead of bitter and not let the loss of trust impact future relationships.
Lucy says
Family betrayal can be a devastating experience, leaving individuals feeling hurt, confused, and angry. It’s important to acknowledge and validate these emotions, and to seek support from friends, family members, or a therapist. While forgiveness may not always be possible, healing can be achieved through processing the betrayal, setting boundaries, and focusing on self-care.
Yolanda says
My sister betrayed me in the worst way. This was so helpful for me in finding out how to handle that betrayal by family. Your website is a treasure trove of information, and I admire your dedication to quality. May the wind of success take you to greater heights.
Diligence Certifications says
Family betrayal can be heartbreaking, but healing starts with acceptance. Set clear boundaries, communicate openly if possible, and focus on your well-being. Surround yourself with supportive people, and remember that forgiveness is for your peace, not theirs. Stay strong and choose growth over resentment.
Debbie says
Betrayal is hard to understand until you feel it first hand but it is the worst feeling. It leaves you angry at them but also at yourself for trusting them in the first place. It makes you doubt yourself and that is the worst feeling.
Sebastian Reed says
Great post. Betrayal can be painful, but shifting the focus from the hurt to personal healing is empowering. A new betrayal may feel overwhelming, but it’s important to prioritize emotional well-being and set boundaries. Instead of dwelling on the past, channeling energy into self-care, personal growth, and trusting those who genuinely support you can help rebuild a sense of security. Healing takes time, but every step forward strengthens resilience and clarity. 4 years out and I am finally recovering.
v vidya says
This article provides compassionate and practical advice for navigating the deep pain of family betrayal. A comforting read for anyone seeking healing and strength to move forward.