Marriage is a beautiful thing but sometimes it can get off track and it may need a little tender love and care. My grandmother was married for over 60 years and when I asked her for advice when I got married, she said, “Sometimes marriage is work.” I have used that advice over the years. When my marriage gets off kilter, I work on it. I hammer it out. It is all about communication, effort, compromise, and understanding each other’s points of view. It is all about giving and loving and showing our love instead of taking it for granted. Sometimes marriage feels so much less romantic than we envisioned it, but if you keep working to express what you need and give your partner what they need, if you keep focusing on the love that brought you together and the commitment you made, you can help improve your marriage. In fact, why don’t you just resolve to make a couples resolution to strengthen your marriage and stick to it. It is the totally, 100% worth it.
Creating a couples’ resolution to strengthen your marriage is probably hardest to do for those that need it most but make it happen anyway! You have to have your priorities. A new year is an ideal time to ‘start over’ and focus on making each other and yourself happy in your marriage. I am thrilled to have Relationship Coach and creator of Cathryn Mora, share with you tips to make this year your greatest relationship year yet.
How To Make A Couples Resolution To Strengthen Your Marriage
By Cathryn Mora
Do you feel like your partner takes you for granted? Do you have the same arguments or maybe you just want some of your old romance back? Deep down you’re wondering if things keep going as they are, you’ll be more like roommates than lovers in a few years’ time. Worse than that, maybe you’re aware that many men who have been unfaithful will state a lack of attention and devotion from their wives as the main reason. You’re not alone in your concern. Luckily, there is a solution, and the new year is the perfect time to find it!
Marriage needs nurturing
Our lives are so busy with careers, keeping up with our online friends, and taking care of the house and kids, that we often forget that our marriage needs nurturance too. At new years’ we pledge to lose five pounds, do more exercise, save money, get a promotion ─ there’s always something we want to improve. But how many of us make a couples resolution to strengthen or improve our marriage?
How much time are you devoting to your relationship?
I recently read some research which stated that we spend over 42hrs per week on our screens, yet only 6hrs per week with our loved ones. How scary is that? Our lives have become a swirl of social media, online news, viral videos and silly games. We put so little time and effort into our relationships in comparison. I know that when my husband and I are tired, we tend to mindlessly scroll through social media or read our kindles. Sometimes we go to bed without even having had a decent conversation!
Does that happen to you? It’s incredibly common and the negative impact it is having on our lives is profound. People aren’t communicating, aren’t maintaining their relationships and we’re growing further and further apart, lacking in intimacy and fulfillment.
A Couples Resolution With A Daily Commitment
So this new year, make a truly worthwhile couples resolution. A daily commitment to a 15–30 minute conversation with your spouse would be fantastic, at a minimum. Put away your screens and really connect. Talk about your day, your life, your dreams, the world, or get to know each other on a deeper level by talking about your childhood, your favorite music growing up, playing board games or doing a course together. Anything which involves connection and giving each other your undivided attention.
A weekly dedicated time together would be okay, but I know how easy it is to miss it, and then you don’t feel ‘compelled’ to get together for another week… which means two weeks will go by before you have a heart-to-heart.
This will go a long way to strengthening your marriage for the long term. When I saved my own marriage several years ago, I created a daily action plan to be more loving, giving and respectful to my husband. I included quality time together regularly, as well as being more complimentary and kind in my words. The difference it made was phenomenal and it was surprisingly easy to slide into daily action. In addition to creating a course to help others do the same, I encourage some clients in my coaching practice to make a plan to include relationship building activities in their schedules each day. For busy people, this means diarizing it!
Invest In Your Future Happiness
Making this commitment as a couple is an investment into your future happiness and will also provide excellent role modeling to your children. I can’t think of a better new years’ couples resolution to make.
I hope Cathryn Mora’s words inspire you to prioritize your relationship and to devote time to working on your marriage. I have to say that when you get busy with kids, it is so easy to become disconnected from your mate. Don’t let that happen. Try to keep your “us” time sacred and remember they are your partner- you’re on the same side. It is like my grandmother told me- it’s not all easy, sometimes it is work. It’s worth it though so just keep working at it! Do you think you could commit to one small change to make your marriage better?